Rewind four days.
It was Friday morning, and we were to get up early for a road trip to Pondy with Jess and Tash (Jess' new BFF). I stumbled out of bed and into the common area upstairs where the computer is, turned on the light, and noticed that both cats were sitting on the Lego table intently watching the corner where the cat food boxes are. I knew something was afoot as the only things the boys stare intently at - are alive.
As I moved closer to see what the boys were interested in, a dark shape dropped out of the curtain and onto the floor - scurrying behind the cat food bins. OK, this is not how to start the day of a seven hour drive to the beach.
Rewind four weeks, more.
Something had been chewing holes in the master bath screen. As we have noted before, we have windows open 24x7x365 for ventilation. The open windows have screens in an attempt to keep the bugs out - I say attempt as is that only, an attempt. When the first hole appeared, I covered it with duct tape and thought nothing of it. Then a second, and a third hole appeared - all in the same window. Something wanted in the house, what could it be?
The neighborhood has striped squirrels (about the size of chipmunks) running all over the place. The sides of the houses, being stucco, are just another raceway for them. So, I thought a squirrel was what was eating holes in the bathroom screen. I swapped out the screen with another bathroom whose window is not open, and I thought, problem solved.
Then one day, I noticed a pile of scat and evidence of urine on the ledge outside Jess' window. I told Jess that she must have a squirrel living outside her window - I mean, what else could it be, right? This is on the second floor of the house.
Then the holes started appearing in the big window in the upstairs common room - the Lego / computer room - where the cats eat. Patch one, done. Patch two, done, and I notice some cat food on the ledge outside. Hrmm, maybe the squirrels like cat food. Patch three, done, and a bigger pile of cat food outside. The squirrel is a hoarder! OK, time for action.
We had bought some screening material in the past, and I had a chunk left over. This stuff, while plastic, is pretty tough. So I put the tuff screen up on the outside of the wrought iron grate in the window. Thinking, problem solved, but if the stiffer screening didn't work, I was prepared to go to full on war. In my thoughts, I was devising a 220v squirrel zapper. However, before the new screen went up, an unrelated phenomenon, which turned out to be related.
One day I was sitting at the computer, and I noticed two red ants walking up a wire. After dispatching them to the great beyond, and working for a bit, I noticed the swarm of red ants coming in through the window. Well, this was war, and I furiously beat them back with a newspaper - no insecticide, as it might harm the cats. A few stragglers caused me to dismantle the cat food bins in the corner, where I discovered a small roach infestation. Pest escalation, time to get the maxo-kill-the-damn-bug juice out. The cats were napping in the bedroom though all the paper whacking; so, I closed the door and nuked the roaches. During the cleanup after the war, I noticed what I thought was roach scat, and I thought, wow, these guys really leave a load behind - they were somewhat sizable roaches, you see.
Now, I know what you're thinking, "Larrie needs to be better at scat identification", and while that might be true, it's not gonna happen. Boy children spend a great deal of time discussing the various attributes of scats, but by the time you're my age - that need is done and gone, unless of course you're around grandchildren.
Ok, back to four days back time.
I started to remove objects from the corner to get a better view of what I was encountering, and for the first time, I noticed that this thing did not have stripes (Damn!), and wow, cat food really does gloss up a fur coat - hi pro glow! It is 4:45 am, and I am standing in my skivvies, the cats are intently watching my every move, and the girls are still sawing logs. So, it is time to work out a plan.
I closed the door to the bedroom. Who knows how much bedlam would have ensued if a rous (rodent of unusual size) had run into the bedroom. So, protect the innocent, check, done. Next arm yourself. I go outside to the carport and get a long handled broom and a club. Not sure what I was thinking as in retrospect, it was pretty silly to do. Then, still in my skivvies, I start to pull the box back, thinking either the cats will jump it, or I will club it.
Ok, dear reader, you need to understand how we have desensitized the cats to the squirrels. The cats are allowed out on the patio to a certain degree, and they get very focused when a squirrel is in the trees, and they are admonished to ignore their instincts and sit quietly, which they are getting better at - as long as we're watching.
Which is what the cats did with the rous, they focused their attention, while sitting on the table, but did not go anywhere near the rat. After I pulled the bin out far enough, the rat scurried into the room. Little buggers are fast, which is why, in retrospect, it was pretty silly of me to get a broom and a club. Well, it went over the ledge and onto the stairs with a crash and thud, and the rous is now a resident of the first floor, and it is 5:15. Time to get the dead moving towards our trip.
I made coffee - it's easier to get Alli out of bed if you waft coffee under her nose, and I woke her with the tale of the previous 30 minutes activities; to which she regaled the scene coming to bed the prior night, highlighting it in an email to her boss composed while on the road to Pondy:
"If you need me in Minnesota or even Canada next week, I’m there for ya. I can "hit the ground running". I’m pretty sure Larrie can pack up for the move home, without me. I’m thinking a nice, cold country would resolve my critter problems.
Forget bringing the squirrel trap. It turns out the striped squirrel invasion was just a happy hypothesis on Larrie’s part; probably to placate me. Last night when I arrived upstairs heading for sleep, I noticed one cat at full point, stalking something on the other side of the room, and the second cat in the doorway looking scared. It was 1 am so I thought about the possibilities: gecko, cockroaches, squirrel and decided I just didn’t want to know, and went to bed.
This morning I mentioned the cats’ strange behavior to Larrie and he went to investigate, valiant hunting cat, Jac, at his side. He swished the curtain and a ROUS fell out of the window sill. ROUS = Rodent of Unusual Size. A BIG BROWN RAT is what has been chewing its way through our window screens and coming into steal the cat food. Larrie had assumed it was squirrels entering because it’s the windows on the second floor of the house that are being attacked and the striped squirrels use the stucco on the side of the house like their own, personal, highways. Apparently rats can climb the stucco too.
Larrie went and got a broom, thinking he could smash the rat, I guess. Well, it took off in full bore linear panic and fell off the ledge near the stairs for a 12 foot gainer. Unlike a human falling 12 feet, apparently no fatal damage was done to the rat which is now scurrying around somewhere on our ground floor. I walked downstairs and noticed our scaredy cat, Ti, staring under the bar. I said “What?” and he startled and jumped about two feet backwards off the floor.
So now I have to sleep in the place knowing that rats are chewing on screens on all sides of our house trying to get in and one is running around the floor below me. I wonder where they relocated Debesh’s 5 foot rat snake. Maybe I could go get it.
Back to current time.
I went down to kitchen to see if the "clink" was really what I thought it was, and yes, something had knocked over a glass. Damn! The rat was still in the house. It was time for an erattification, but not before sleep.
Sharanama (housekeeper) showed up today, and I told her that she and I were going rat hunting, and I layed out the plan. The look on her face was "that's not in my job description, ewww". Ok, I was solo in the quest.
The cats were fully aware of the rat, and apparently had ceded the ground floor to it. They were sleeping in Jess' room, and I just closed the door as I needed to have other outside doors open to provide an exit path for the blighter.
I pulled out the fridge, as I was convinced it was behind it - no rat. Not even rat scat. Then, using the broom, I started banging on the walls of the fridge, and the rat jumped down from the fridge condenser coil, and scurried into the washroom. Ok, one room down, one room to go. I went into the wash room, and closed the door - the washroom has the open door to the outside. I started poked around (with the broom handle) in the stuff where the rat had disappeared, and out it popped and jumped through the door to freedom. Rat, gone, and I closed the door.
After putting all the stuff away, fridge, etc., the boys sauntered down as if to say, is it gone? Big help having two cats in India is; although, Sharanama told me her cat does not trifle with rats, either. I wonder what it is about Indian rats that leave the cats quaking in their socks?
Endnote
As Alli proofread this story for me, she noted "that's not what happened", and then she told me her version of the truth. Long term relationships seem to require multiple versions of the truth to get a story told, and I sure some of you readers will notice the difference in this tale of the tell. It could be that in the excitement of encountering a rat in one's skivvies at 4:45 am, certain details get fogged; however, the important part is that the story and the relationship are a collaboration, and the rat is out of the house, and I am still here.
2 comments:
LOL To funny!!
LOVE the story!!
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